Women Who Love Beards and the Men Who Grow Them- Beard Maintenance

Beard Maintenance.

Since beginning the survey, I am shocked and disturbed at the number of gentlemen with beards who seem to have no maintenance routine. I was honestly expecting to hear specific shampoos used, the owning of a comb and shears to trim, and a shaving routing to keep all the hairs in line so that a bridge was not built between the beard and the chest. I feel as though, while many of the beards were nice, appeared to be strokeable and  free of food particles and smells, they were not meeting their full potential. 

As a result, I have done some research, to help get out information for good beard maintenance, and here it is.

Once your beard begins to take shape you should purchase the following.

1. A Mild Shampoo

2. A beard trimming kit. 

While the featured kit consist of an electric trimmer, it is not required. At the very minimum you should include a pair of trimming scissors and basic razor to keep things tidy.

While this may seem trivial to some, the ladies do notice.

Beard of the Week

This week's beard of the week is one that the world may have to learn to live without. Earlier this week, Brett Keisel (the Steeler's beard to be feared) shaved off his lovely locks for charity. Although it has left us for the time being, this beard rocked and deserves this award now more than ever. Steelers fans and facial hair enthusiasts all over the world are in mourning. Who will even remember the Superbowl after a loss such as this?

Side note: He's kind of good looking sans beard, no?

"It Was The Beard of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times"

This week I wanted to share with everyone a touching story of a man and his beard. I asked a friend of mine to write about his love for his beard and the tragic loss of his beard. I hope you are as moved as I was.


-beard<3r




"It Was The Beard of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times" 


When I hear the word beard,words like horror, inequality, prejudice, and nostalgia flood my mind. One might ask, “how could such an amazing word such as a beard have that effect?” Well simply put: Beard-ism. Beard-ism as defined by the brotherhood of former beard wearers, is unwanted prejudice towards men with thick, illustrious beards. I am a victim of Beard-ism. As a 21 year old man, I struggled for the greater portion of my life to nurture a thick, beautiful, soft, sexually appealing beard. Looking up to those around me with immaculate beards. I imitated them, admired them, I wanted to be them. However as the heavens so rarely do,they shined their light upon me and blessed me with the ability. I had the beard I'd always wanted. To top it all off, it was red, showing off my deep Irish heritage. Nothing could stop me now, I had the three B's; Beard, Brains, and Balls. I got complements regularly on my amazing beard-age. My beard made me infinitely more attractive to women, it made me appear smart, thoughtful and versed. I loved my beard. I combed and shampooed it everyday. Sometimes I went on walks just to give my beard fresh air. My beard wasn't just hair on my face, it was an appendage. Part of my ever-evolving identity.

So I guess now is the part in the story where I explain how I encountered Beard-ism. Let me start by establishing a few fundamental elements. I am no longer attractive to women, I no longer appear Intelligent, or thoughtful, or versed. I no longer buy shampoo for my beard, I gave my coveted beard comb away. I am an amputee. Why you ask? Well as a transferring Junior in college, I needed a new job. Campus jobs were filled, so I had to look elsewhere. I walked into a well known Sub Shop to apply. The manager, loved my personality and hired me on the spot. After being hired, I stood in the lobby going over the details with my new manager. Wearing an old ratty punk rock shirt, cut off dress slack shorts, 5 year old converse, and tattoo's all over my left arm, I stood waiting to be told, I'd have to wear pants, and long sleeves. What I got was exponentially worse and horribly unexpected. He said, “You're going to have to knock that beard off.” Still in shock form this statement, I shook his hand and accepted the job. I walked to my old Mini-Van, got in, lit a cigarette, and then it hit me... I had to kill my baby. I went through the normal stages of grief. I thought to myself, I can just not shave, he won't notice. Then I got depressed, I bargained with myself; “you can make it with no money, at least you'll have your beard.” Then, I got angry. I thought this is discrimination. This is America for Christ's sake, if I want a beard I have the right to have one, MY BEARD HAS FEELINGS TOO! At that moment I knew I had been the victim of unspeakable abuses. So like any other normal American, I took to the internet to find others who had suffered under the same oppression I was currently dealing with. That's when I discovered I had been the victim of Beard-ism. 

I'm not sure if my life will ever return to the way it was before that unforgettable day. Although as long as I have the right to freedom of expression, I will fight for Beard Rights. One would think that in a society where, gay sex with boys, gets swept under the rug, that a lowly Sub Shop worker could have a beard. As for me, now, I have a dream. A dream that one day, I will again walk the city streets of Charlotte North Carolina, Bearded and Proud! I will never give up hope! 

Remember folks, in bad cases... Beard-ism kills.



Joshua Haney